A collective remembering. Triggered by a scene on a reality show. A transmission to every woman who’s ever sat anywhere explaining her pain to a man.
Your boundaries were never inconvenient.
Your autonomy threatened his illusion of control.
Your light exposed his shadows.
This—this is what no one warns you about. It’s what you only learn after bleeding out in the arena of performative empathy and weaponized misunderstanding. Because we’re not stupid—we were just taught that if we could just explain ourselves better, we’d finally be safe. With him.
And every time we watch a woman in a series, a movie, a reality tv show, a reunion special, or in our own homes —explaining herself again—more of the collective light dims.
So I go back. To every time I over-explained. Every moment I articulated my feelings like a thesis defense. Every time I justified my existence actions in hopes of peace. In hopes of saving every breath. And I whisper this sermon into the ear of the girl I was—planting seeds of awakening and freedom.
Girl, your monologue was great. You clearly articulated your feelings. You expressed your hurt and disappointment and breach of trust. And you did it with calmness and poise.
Here’s the issue: He doesn’t care. He wasn’t curious. He wasn’t asking to understand. And to be fair, he never has. He’s never approached your boundaries with curiosity, showed empathy, or given any indication he was willing to meet you where you are.
Because he doesn’t want to. He’s not interested in becoming a partner. He wants to own you. Dominate you. Source from you. He wants to live in your light—not rise to meet it.
That’s the difference between becoming a couple and becoming a possession.
Men, generally, aren’t raised to become something. They are taught they already are. So when they hear your boundaries, they don’t take them as invitations to connect. They hear obstacles. Barriers to conquest. Interruptions to control. You want co-creation. He wants domination—by conditioning. And time and time again, you watch beautiful, light-filled women get drained conversation by conversation, explaining something that was never meant to be understood.
Every time you explain yourself, you’re not educating him. You’re giving him a more nuanced toolkit to manipulate or punish you later. You’re handing over access to your code.
And so: I would go to my younger self a million times and convince her to change her behavior, instead of wasting so much time trying to convince him to change his. They are the wrong men, sweetie. If you set a boundary and the first thing he does isn’t try to understand—you’re not in co-creation.
So sure, give it the benefit of the doubt. But trust your observation of his actions, not your evidence that you were a good enough explainer.
Remove the filter of seeing his potential before you look at what he’s actually doing. And any time you find yourself justifying your pain or convincing someone you were hurt—remind yourself:
They’re not that dumb.
They knew.
And they didn’t care.
So go ahead and stop pouring all your beautiful, divine, co-creative energy into changing someone who only wants to dominate you. Put it back into yourself—the only one who will truly appreciate it. And only then with you begin to attract the kind of men who want to build with you, not collect you. Not imprison you in their confidently crafted world of self-centeredness.
Be free, my love. Walk away. This place isn’t for you. Just a stop on your journey.
This should be required reading for all teenage girls.